Over The Bend

Everything is stressing me out these days and I'm having a hard time keeping it all together. Juggling work and daycare and sick kids and babies not sleeping through the night and being sick myself...it all seems like too much. It's not like anything I'm doing is "unique"...I'm sure there are other parents who have it worse. Unfortunately not all parents are calm, cool, go-with-the-flow kind of people...and I'm nowhere near fitting that description. Everyone said that parenthood would get easier and I would learn to let some things go...but I haven't and I would love to know WHEN that happens. I still worry incessantly about whether I'm doing everything right...if the kids are happy...if they feel like they get enough one-on-one attention...if they are growing and developing the way they should...if I should continue to keep them at a center vs. an in-home for daycare...if they will ever be healthy again... It's gotten to the point where I worry so much, unexpected temper tantrums from Lili or crying fits from Will, leave me feeling completely helpless. The last two nights I arrived home before Drew with Will screaming his head off and Lili demanding "cuppy" and "ca-cas" and "blanky" and "nuk" (resulting in whining and crying when I couldn't get them to her fast enough). Both nights I literally found myself standing there in the kitchen, staring at both of them, wondering what the hell to do. I was already worn out and the evening was just beginning. Without growing two more arms, I don't know how else to keep everyone happy and the few hours we have together each day are just becoming more and more stressful. I barely get to see my munchkins and yet the time I DO spend with them, they are absolutely exhausted from their overstimulating day at daycare. Add some colds, teething and other illnesses on top of it and you have two very unhappy children. I want that time to be filled with smiles and family dinners...not tears and stressed out Mommies. It finally hit me Tuesday night when I couldn't get ahold of Drew (he was in his class and they don't allow cell phones) and needed to take Will to Urgent Care, that I had absolutely no one that I felt comfortable enough to call and ask for help on a moments notice. Don't get me wrong, we have many friends who are always offering to lend a hand, however most don't live very close and those that do, I didn't feel comfortable calling at the last minute on a weeknight. This is when I realized that not having any family here stinks even more than I thought it did. I wanted so badly to call one of the Grandparents and ask them to help get me through the bedtime routine and Will's trip to the doc...but they're not here...and I doubt coming from Washington or Ohio or Michigan is ever going to be an option. So, we survived, as we always do...but the general stress of always being on the "go" and there always being something that has to get done RIGHT NOW is really pushing me over the bend... Maybe it's just my sinus infection talking right now? Maybe once I'm finally healthy too, things won't seem so glum? I would just LOVE for all of our colds and sicknesses to be wiped away and to have 1 full week of nothing but healthy, happy family members. How great would that be?