Home For Thanksgiving?

My schedule changed again today...which was extremely depressing. I went into this week with the idea that I could be at the hospital for Will's 8am and 11am cares and feedings, while working remotely in-between. I would then spend the afternoons at work and leave at 4pm to pick Lili up from daycare. I tried this out yesterday and it was crazy. I wasn't able to get enough work hours in during the day (I have to preserve every hour I can for when he comes home), so I needed to make a change. Today I was at the hospital from 6:45am until 9am before heading over to the office where I got in 7 hours and then headed home. I will put in another hour tonight before bed. This will give me 8 hours each day and if I keep that up I can get in my 40 hours a week until Will comes home and I "officially" go on maternity leave. It was bad enough leaving him at noon everyday and only seeing him twice. Now I am down to once a day and leaving much earlier. I don't know how parents do this for months on end. The guilt is awful, but if I were to try to fit in another trip to see him in the evenings (it's a 45 minute drive if the weather and traffic are good), then I would be feeling guilty about Lili not getting enough time with her Mom. Either way, I can't seem to win!

Since I'm already being a negative Nellie tonight (I think I'm just tired), I might as well continue... After arriving home with Lili, I had my 1st "Oh-crap-how-am-I-ever-going-to-manage-TWO" moments. When I talked about Lili being into everything yesterday, I don't think I emphasized enough that she really is INTO EVERYTHING!!!! The toilets...every garbage can she runs into...the feminine hygiene product drawer...you name it, her hands have touched it. Every time we "think" a room is finally, 100%, baby-proofed, she proves us wrong. We missed a drawer...or a cupboard...or left something within arms reach... Tonight, we got to the top of the stairs, I set her down for 2 seconds so that I could secure the gate......next thing I know I hear SPLASH!!!..."Uh-oh" (yes, she is learning to use it in the right context)...I find Lili in the bathroom and she has dumped Lola's entire bowl of water all down her front and all over the floor. As I'm cleaning that up, Lola is running around like a maniac and Lili is watching me while SLAMMING the toilet seat cover repeatedly. After the bathroom is finally dry, I have to change Lili because she's soaking wet. To do this, means enduring the kicking and arching back and fussing that goes along with it. After she's dressed, I realize that a pumping session is required before the "girls" explode. I hook myself up for my 5pm milking and Lili REFUSES to be distracted by toys or books or even Lola. Instead, she's grabbing at the tubes and pulling on them with all of her might. Every time I told her "No", she would scowl at me, grunt and pull on them more. Eventually, the entire machine, which was sitting on a table next to my chair came crashing down and landed on my leg. As I am yelping in pain (it was almost like hitting a funny bone), I hear this "crunching".......I look over and Lola is chewing up ANOTHER wooden puzzle piece...angry with me for not giving her enough attention. I could probably go on and on about our evening...but I think that's enough for now. All in all, it wasn't "terrible"...I just started freaking out about how I would be able to manage nights like this with her and then also tend to a newborn.

Drew just got home a few minutes ago and I was very tempted to tell him that I can never be left alone again! Haha...

Here is a pic of little Will from this morning... The doctor finally gave me some hope this morning that he MIGHT be home by Thanksgiving!!!!!