A Bizarre Mom Thought

So I've been having these random thoughts...thoughts which only a Mom can really have...and thoughts that people will probably think I'm insane for having...HOWEVER, this is MY blog, so I can write about any damn thought I want!

My thoughts revolve around how sad it is that Drew and I made the decision to limit our family to 4. I suppose I shouldn't say it's 'sad'...I just don't have a better word to describe how I feel. I love my two monkeys and our decision wasn't made lightly. My blog and comments that I post on Facebook are proof that I am overwhelmed as a full time working Mom...but I STILL have these crazy thoughts about being surrounded by more kids! Drew thinks I'm absolutely NUTS. He's totally, 100% DONE and perfectly content with how things are. He looks towards the future and can't wait for all of the things we will be able to do with them as they get older. I look forward to those things as well, but I also remember holding my babies when they were so teeny tiny and the thought of never being able to have those moments again is really sad to me! Yes, I know that I will still have opportunities like that in the future with the babies of friends and family, but it's not like how it is when it's YOUR baby.

Today I took Lili to a friend's birthday party. There was a family there who recently adopted 2 little girls from...o.k., I forget from where. It doesn't matter really... It was an international adoption. They have 2 biological children of their own, who are both boys. I believe they are 12 and 9, or something like that. The girls are younger...maybe 6 and 3? I could not stop thinking about them. They were the sweetest little girls and their brothers absolutely adore them. I'm sure things aren't 'perfect' and I'm sure they have their struggles as they all adjust to the changes, but how awesome would that be? I remember, long before I met Drew, thinking that I would someday adopt. I didn't care if it was a boy or girl or where he/she was from, or what age they were...I just remember thinking that that would someday be something I would do. I could totally see myself giving that unconditional love that I have for Lili and Will, to a child who wasn't my 'own' and I feel just as strongly about it now as I did back then.

I have no idea if these thoughts will still be with me in 5 years when we are fully out of diapers and the kids are 10x's more self sufficient, but for now it's something that I continue to dream about. Call me crazy, but how can wanting to love another child be wrong?