The Inner Bitch

I started off 2010 with a whole shi* ton of motivation. It almost made ME sick seeing how much motivation I had. I was going to change the world...become a healthier person...have a cleaner house...be a better Mom... It was supposed to be one of those truly amazing transformations. Like the kind Oprah highlights on her show. Yep, I was gonna be on Oprah.

It's now February 23rd and all of that motivation is G.O.N.E. Not just 'slightly there'...TOTALLY.FREAKIN.GONE.......and I'm disgusted with myself. I actually went to the DOCTOR because I just couldn't take being that disgusted with myself and also because physically, I was beginning to think something was wrong. Of course I was greeted with a standard response from her based on my tainted medical history and she didn't listen to a damn word I said. I left there feeling no more educated than I was when I walked into her office. In fact, I think I might have lost a few brain cells while I was there. If I had had even the tiniest bit of a backbone, I probably could have been more persistent and tried to get some answers...but I was born backbone-less. I mean heck, she could have at least listened to my heart and checked my ears and pretended to be the doctor she worked her ass off to become. Whatever.

So now here I am...wondering where I can find that motivation and hoping something changes soon. I obviously WANT things to change or I wouldn't be talking about it so much. I'm just not sure why my inner bitch keeps sabotaging my efforts.