Eff Em Up

As a parent, do you ever wonder how much you're going to eff up your kids?  I think about this a lot...and yet I still can't put into action all of the awesome things I tell myself I'm going to do as a Mom.  You know the stuff that's going to make them freaking little geniuses, who are always polite and who, as adults, will do missionary work in 3rd world countries.  I've ready plenty of books on these subjects...minus the missionary work, which is just inevitable if I make them polite and caring geniuses...but it's the book->to->reality sequence that I can't get right. 

Recently I decided that my kids need to learn to LISTEN if we are ever going to move onto the other stuff.  To get this under control I determined that Drew and I are inconsistent in our methods.  We need to both be on the same page...AND, we need to follow through and give fewer chances.  So Drew and I talk about this and we agree this is what we need to do.  Kid does something wrong, we give 1 warning, kid ignores us, we RESPOND with whatever it is we threatened in the first place.  Simple plan, right?  Sure...until you're face to face with the little monsters.  Then in your head you're like...ok, just one more chance THIS time...next time I will only give one warning........and next time never comes...because they look at you with those creepy, guilty eyes and you still melt.  WTF?   

The other night I picked the kids up from daycare and on our way out we stopped by the snack basket...which was empty.  Dammit!  I explained that there was nothing left and told the kids we would get something when we got home.  Will accepted this explanation, however LILI proceeds to throw a fit in the lobby and REFUSES to walk.  Ok...well, I can't exactly use both arms to drag her out to the car because I need at least one hand to guide The Runner (a.k.a. Will).  It is at this moment that I do the 'Lilian, you can either walk with me, or I'm going to leave you there.'  I know, that probably wasn't the 'best' choice because I wasn't really going to leave her there, however I would have left her there long enough to put Will in the car and then come back for her when I had 2 arms free.  She continues her fit and again refuses to leave.  'Lilian...I mean it...either get up and walk with me, or I'm going to leave you here.  We need to go.'  She doesn't move a muscle.  So I leave...and I can hear her SCREAMING behind me.  Of course before I even make it through the 2nd set of doors, I go back for her.  Apparently I wasn't gone LONG enough though because she stopped the screaming and reverted back to her refusal to leave.  That's when my blood pressure skyrocketed.  I tried leaving again and the screaming started again.  I made it a little further...and then went back in.  WE DID THIS 4 TIMES!!!  Finally I grabbed her with my one free hand and literally DRAGGED her to the car.  First mistake...I threatened her with something I couldn't fully implement due to LAWS.  Second mistake...I didn't follow through.  Third mistake...I inevitably lost my cool.

And then you have Drew...who tries to be the badass, but fails miserably.  His problem is that he gives TWICE as many chances as I do and his threats are even WORSE than mine.  He threatens things like Santa not coming, or the kids not being allowed to go to a birthday party, or taking away 'ALL' their toys.  Ummm...I'm pretty sure no matter what they were doing or not doing we wouldn't turn Santa away...or refuse to let them attend a birthday party...or take away ALL their toys.  Granted, we wouldn't LEAVE them at the daycare either, but hey...I could at least 'pretend' a little better with that one!  How do you FAKE not having Santa come?  Yeah, you don't. 

So yeah...last week I was all gung-ho about how to transform myself into an awesome Mom with missionary genius children...this week I'm looking into methods for damage control.  I suck at PREVENTION, but what about TREATMENT?  Will might continue his crazy, hyperactive ways........so maybe I encourage him to join the circus?  We just need to get creative...