He Hates Me

Yep, he hates me. I'm talking about Little Man...Will...Willum...Mr. Will.I.Am...Dooder...Dude...Wee Willie... The last week or so has been a roller coaster ride of insanity with him and I honestly don't know what the deal is. As each month passes I have noticed him becoming braver and more feisty, but we have truly reached a level of craziness that I never expected from him.

Last Thursday was the worst of the worst. I got a call from daycare around 10:30am and was told that Will was playing happily, then all of a sudden started screaming...and wasn't stopping. I could hear him in the background and it totally reminded me of the 'episodes' we experienced with him last fall. I left work and went to pick him up. He seemed a little calmer when I got there, but proceeded to scream and cry and moan the entire time we were at the doctor. After an abdominal xray, bloodwork and a general checkup, the doctors confirmed what I suspected...it was most likely the acid reflux returning with a vengeance. The acid reflux we had been keeping at bay with Prevacid since October...the drug we had stopped giving him 2 weeks prior in the hopes that he had finally grown out of his issues. Apparently we were wrong. With 2 new prescriptions in hand, I dropped them off at the pharmacy and headed home. Will slept for about 45 minutes when we arrived, but then continued his screaming/crying/moaning for the rest of the afternoon. By 5pm, I was ready to shoot myself and was an emotional wreck. When your baby cries and cries and cries inconsolably, it is the WORST.FEELING.EVER. After another visit to the ER, we were told that he had some blisters in the back of the throat, which could have been caused and now irritated even moreso by the acid reflux. We took him home and since then have been treating the symptoms of this beast with all kinds of fancy meds...Zantac, Prevacid, Carafate (or something like that)... The screaming fits have lessened each day and now we are back to dealing with typical 'terrible-almost-two' fits...I think.

My current goal in life is to figure out how to get through each day...happily...stress-free...and with as few fits as possible. My problem is that my Mommy sensors immediately go into 'alert' mode when I hear him crying/screaming. Why? Because I can't always tell if it's a fit of I-want-it-my-way-and-I'll-scream-until-I-get-it, or if it's a fit of this-acid-is-burning-holy-hell-in-my-throat. To tell you the truth, it can be easy to confuse them sometimes. He has periods of wild-animalness in both situations and since Dooder can't yet tell me what's going on, I find it especially disturbing. There are times though when I just 'know' that it's not the acid reflux and more his toddler tude', but even then I wonder what the hell I'm doing wrong. Am I missing his signals? Am I totally oblivious to what he really wants/needs? Is it truly not about me telling him 'No more gummies' and more about him needing some one-on-one time with Mommy? I suppose it's easy for us Moms to do this...to let our imaginations run wild...allowing it to come up with all kinds of crazy reasons as to why our children might be having a bad day/week/month. I know they go through phases...hell, I've been through plenty of them...but I still miss my happy little man who wasn't quite so strong-willed. I suppose this is just his way of venting frustrations and getting his point across without words. Oh Dooder...please give Mommy a little break now and again and let me know everything is o.k. with you?

On a happier note...Little Man has started using a spoon and fork! Check out that face! He ate almost the entire yogurt all by himself! Don't even think about taking the utensils away from him though...not unless you WANT the shit to hit the fan! He is ADAMANT about being a big boy!