The Big Cheat

I cheated this past weekend.  BIG time.  I've been in a diet funk for over 2 months now.  I've only lost about 12 lbs during this time, when I should have lost 3 x's that amount.  I have NO idea what my problem is.  I think part of it is boredom.  I'm tired of what I'm limited to eating every single day and when you have over 100lbs to lose, you're bound to be on a program for a long time, no matter which program you choose.  There's no quick fix to getting rid of a whole person.  I'm going on 6 months now and it feels like a lifetime...

Another part of my problem is lack of convenience.  This diet SUCKS at being convenient.  It requires a lot of planning and prepwork...and COOKING... NONE of which I have time for.  Quick and easy doesn't happen with this diet.  I can't even grab a piece of fruit on my way out the door or snack on a yogurt.  Half of the items I've learned over the years are 'healthy' options aren't approved for this diet.  It makes being a full-time working Mom really difficult.

Overall I feel very STUCK.  I've thought about changing programs to something that fits my lifestyle better, but I'm deathly afraid of it not working.  This program HAS been working, so why ruin a good thing?  At the same time though, this plateau is kicking my ass and causing doubts.  Doubts usually lead me to small cheats...and small cheats eventually lead to big cheats.  Granted, I know that that's MY problem, but I also don't know how to kickstart myself.  I have some weird, freaky mental blockage that is preventing me from hopping back on the horse and going at the weight loss goal 100%...just like I did in the beginning.  When the plateau hit, the little cheats started.....ranch dressing at a restaurant instead of bringing my own...a little cheese on my salad...a few almonds for a snack...  It all added up and I'm sure that's why my plateau continued.  This past weekend was so busy with birthday parties and BBQs and out of town visitors, I pretty much said to hell with it and ate whatever I came in contact with.  I didn't eat an entire bag of chips or anything, but I also didn't go out of my way to find diet friendly items for consumption either.  There was some pizza involved...and ice cream...and it all tasted SO yummy, which made my guilt afterwards even worse. 

Today is Wednesday and I'm back on plan.  I really hope I can keep it together to start seeing lbs come off again.  I told my coach about my struggles and she offered to have me come stay at her house for a week for boot camp...  I might take her up on it just as a mini vacation...HA!  Seriously though, something has to change.  If I could even just lose 30 more, I would be SO incredibly happy and would feel as though I had been successful.  Yes, 50 lbs is awesome and I don't expect to ever have a 'perfect' body...but I would really like to get a little healthier.  30 more would put me at a weight I haven't been at in over 12 years.  From there I could lose a few pounds here and there to get me a little lower, but it wouldn't be as critical as things seem now.  I'm not ready to give up...but I still need to figure out where to find the Andrea who made it this far again.  I still remember my mindset when I started the program way back in March and I NEVER thought I would stay on it past the first week.  Look at me now!  That should count for something...WHERE ARE YOU DETERMINED-ANDREA?!?!