In A Funk

I think I'm in a funk.  I don't know what's causing the funk or how to get out of it, but I'm hoping it ends soon!  What am I in a funk about?  Where oh where to begin...

I'm in a funk about my weight.  I lost about 50lbs last year on Ideal Protein...hit a super long plateau where I maintained that weight loss for about 3 months......then everything went to hell.  I've gained a lot of the weight back and much faster than I ever thought possible.  I feel like I eat less than what I ate before I went on the program, but maybe just the change from being on such a restrictive diet to eating normally was too much for me?  I know I don't always make the best food choices, so I'm positive that's part of it...but I didn't think it would wipe out almost all of the hard work I put into losing it in the first place.  It's depressing, embarrassing and almost any other negative word you can think of.  I'm also in a funk figuring out where to go next.  When life is busy, it's hard to take the time out to really think about options and what the best fit would be.  Obviously I know that going on such a restrictive diet may not be the best choice for me since I don't plan to eat that way for the rest of my life.  I need to find a happy medium somewhere...  I'm encouraged that I was even able to stay on Ideal Protein for as long as I did and that gives me hope that I can be successful doing something else too........but I'm discouraged that I couldn't make it last.  That I eventually phased off the program and that I allowed myself to regress.  I joke about my weight A LOT and I also make fun of myself A LOT.  It's my coping mechanism...because otherwise I think I would spend most of my life crying.  Crying over why I can't make this lifestyle change, why I left myself 'go', why I look the way I do, why I can't gain control over it all...and the list goes on! 

Enough about that depressing crap...

I'm also in a funk with my job.  The contract position from hell that I've been on for the last 10 months ended last Friday, 2 months early.  I decided to take a new, permanent position with the company on Monday.  Basically I went from a job where travel, night and weekend work, micromanagement and INSANE expectations were the norm...to a job where the boss respects that we are all adults and that you will do your job and call on her when needed, no travel, night and weekend work is rare, pay is good and great company benefits.  Sounds like a good deal, right?  Right!  Except that it's still a 'new' job...I'm learning the ways of the world here with a new team of people and different responsibilities.  It feels weird not having a boss who needs to know every move you make and it's disturbing not having a steady stream of emails coming in from the business with questions and demands.  I'm sure I will get used to things...but right now, it's just WEIRD! 

I'm in a funk with my house...  It's a mess and we have too much STUFF!  I have piles to go to Goodwill, bins and bins to be sold at the next JBF sale, bags to go to friends...but none of it is leaving right now.  I NEED to ge this stuff out of here before I go insane, but when do I have the time or the motivation?  There is so much cleaning and organizing that needs to be done around here, which is hard to do when there's so much STUFF.  I'm sure there are families with more stuff than us, but right now it feels like an incredible amount.  I want to live a leaner, cleaner life...but getting there is really HARD!!

 I'm in a funk with my kids a bit too...  Things are still going great with Emily!  Will loves her and so does Lili!  Sometimes they will tell her they want her to go, or that they want me to watch them, but I'm pretty sure those are times when she has laid down the law on something and they don't like her decision.  Heck, we see them do that even with Drew and I!  If I tell them no or reprimand them, they start crying for Drew and vice versa.  I'm glad she is able to stay strong with them and they listen to her WAY better than they have ever listended to Drew or I...which is where I think my kid funk is coming from.  It's normal for them to test their parents more, but I do wish Drew and I were more firm with them.  I think we give too many chances...in the hopes that we don't have to punish them...  We WANT to give fewer chances and show them we are serious about what we say, but it's hard when you're in the moment.  Parenting is rough...that's all I can say! 

My other funkiness comes from a lot of little things...wanting to make dinner at home more but not knowing what to make or not having the time...worrying about Lili going off to Kindergarten in the fall...getting a little concerned about Will's obsession with dresses and shoes and all other girly things...you know, the usual stuff!  I'm sure I will snap out of this soon, but right now it's a little overwhelming!

Well, it's back to the daily grind for me!